Don't Read This if You're From My Hometown or My Grandma (Unless You Have a Sense of Humor)

I'm serious.

I wrote a poem a while back that I believe is very thought-provoking. It's called The Quickest Way to a Heart. Let me know what it made you think.

Ah, mhmm. Here you are:

They say falling in love is a lot like playing pool.

You roll the dice, and WAIT, there’s no dice in pool.

Suddenly, you’re playing a game,

and you don’t know the rules.

But what if I told you love is quite simple?

Even easier than popping a pimple.

When it comes to love, there’s only one thing you need to know.

The quickest way to the heart is through the butthole.

Falling in love means you’re getting to know one’s soul.

You’re finding the thing that makes them whole.

And nothings more fulfilling than shoving a candlestick up your ass.

How do you think the priest gets through Mass?

And if you’re not into that, it’s okay.

There are other ways to make a girl’s day.

You could give her flowers, a ring, or a four-leaf clover.

But what I’ve found best is to just rollover.

There’s so much you can do that doesn’t involve your anus.

But wasting time in conversation seems completely heinous.

Why worry about each other’s whims,

When you could be polishing each other’s rims?

And, don’t worry, if you’re Catholic, it isn’t a sin.

But, in reality, there isn’t much to make a girl happy.

Just write her a card that’s really sappy.

Tell her she’s amazing, and you miss her when she’s gone.

And if you sing, sing her a song.

She’ll want you to call her pretty

And call her every night.

But there’s nothing like you saying,

“Hey, baby. Keep it ripe. Keep it tight.”

So remember this when you’re looking for a boo.

No need to stress over all of the hullabaloo.

Love is simple, oh, oh, this I know is so,

Cause the quickest way to a heart is through the butthole.

Like, comment, subscribe. If you don't respect me anymore, you can't say I didn't warn you. (kissy face emoji)