How to Turn Your Life into a Romantic Comedy

If you're anything like me, you read The Notebook way before you should have. I don't know why I was allowed to read it in seventh grade, but I'm a sucker for an unrealistic, messed-up love story.

And if you are too, you've come to the right place. I have a ten-step plan for you that will turn your life into the romantic comedy of your dreams... Or nightmares.

(Yes, I realize The Notebook isn't a romantic comedy, but it is the gateway movie to romantic comedy. Once you watch The Notebook, you'll never want to see another sad romance movie, so you'll resort to romantic comedies only. Oh, but Grace, how does The Notebook beat out The Titanic? The Titanic is already a romantic comedy. You fell in love in three days, Rose? Yeah, okay. Let's see if you would have still loved him after finding out his credit score.)

Here's how to do it:

1. You'll wanna start smoking cigarettes.

2. Get a haircut.

3. Go into the relationship thinking you're going to change the other person. In the end, when you realize you can't do that, there will be a dramatic moment. Hopefully one where you run through New York screaming, "I know I can't change you, and the way you chew with your mouth open, and the fact your mom hates me, or the way you put other people down because you never learned how to deal with your emotions, but I still love you!" I know that's always been my dream.

4. Buy an umbrella and practice throwing darts. This may be the most important one on the list but for reasons that will only be revealed once it happens to you.

5. Get your dream job in another city. Once you get your dream job and you're about to leave, someone will profess their love to you. However, for this to work, you will need someone to already be in love with you.

6. Be yourself. As cheesy as it may be, the best way to get someone to like you is by being yourself. However, you should wait for the climax of the story to have this realization.

7. Only communicate through over-the-top gestures. You love someone? Write it in the sky. You want to break-up? Write it in the sky. In either scenario, if you are afraid of the outcome, you can make a quick get-away while the other person is looking up.

8. Bottle up your feelings. Don't let the person you're in love with know how you feel until they're getting married. Then, on their wedding day, tell them. This is what we call in the biz, "great timing."

9. Are you still addicted to nicotine? Good!! Every protagonist needs a crutch!

And last, but not least, the sure-fire way to turn your life into a romantic comedy is by:

10. Only going for guys/girls your friend is dating, has previously dated, or is in love with. Because the key to any good comedy is irony.

That's it. It's that simple. I would wish you guys good luck, but I don't think you'll need it.